As the title states,  what I'm about to say is absolutely late, but absolutely necessary. I know I've said MONTHS ago, that I was over him. I lied. I thought I was, but for sure - now is the time when I'm absolutely sure that I'm over him. =D

Whee~ Junior Year is over, and now its all about Senior Year. x3

Does anybody have any clue about which colleges they plan to attend or apply to? o_O?
Michellie is actually stuck on it. ><
Well, it's more of too many deadlines~ too many colleges to somewhat apply for~ omg, scared! ><

This is a totally RANDOM entry. I totally forgot the reason as to why i started typing. *sighs*

Oh yes, i have 3 blogs to Xanga, Livejournal, and Blogger. xD

Blah, i have nothing else to say. Good night. =)

-Michellie x3

Soo.. lately i've been having an obsession over Jun Matsumoto whom i first met on Gokusen. Amazingly enough, he's also in Arashi. He and the rest sings awfully well. I love them! When i see him online smiling and laughing with Ohno, Aiba, Nino, and Sho, i get unbearably jealous because im not there with him. I miss him an awful lot. But listening to his songs, watching his vids, and keeping all the pictures sent to me, keeps me company. I know he'll be back. I hear he's on Hana Yori Dango, as well. I shall catch up on that soon. hehe ^^

Too unrealistic. Darn. =/

He is cute. Talented. but thats about all i know about him. xD
The rest of Arashi are cute too. x]

I went to the Ontario College Fair yesterday. It wasnt what i expected, compared to last year's Downtown LA's College Fair.
However, i also got more than what i expected even though i know in some way i forgot something.

SWE. Society of Women Engineers.
http://www.swe.org/stellent/idcplg?IdcService=SS_GET_PAGE&nodeId=9&ssSourceNodeId=5
The representative of Stevens Institute of Technology informed me of a scholarship accepting any women who plans to major in engineering.
I looked it up, and apparently and i believe, that i'm eligible. YaY! x]

Tomorrow is.. Shadowing Day... For AVID.
Its when 8th graders from different middle schools come to Alhambra High and AVID Juniors would take them to our classes (Period 1-3), to let them have a taste of high school life. I'm a bit excited and nervous about tomorrow.

First Period: I cant spend much time with 'em, because i have to make-up a test. >>;
Second Period: Note-taking entirely?  I dont know what to do with kids around. ><
Third Period: Dana's gonna gobble 'em up... >>;

Hmm... thats it, i guess. Whatever i missed, i forgot anyways. So there's not point in attempting to recall what i tried to forget. xD

It has been over for the past 2 days already. =/

But i actually had fun this break. Although boring till friday, it was still a pretty good break.

On Saturday, i went to Chinese School.
Sunday, i started my homework (Unbelievably!)
    I also started downloading some dramas to keep me occupied during the break.
    Made breakfast and lunch for my sister and dad when my mom was at grandma's place.
Monday, i watched Pan's Labyrinth, Happy Feet, and the Pursuit of Happyness.
Tuesday, I went to school to visit Rebecca and help out with the teachers.
    (or was it wednesday?)
Friday, i went to the California Science Center to visit the Star Wars exhibit. It was gorgeous! ><
    Went out to dinner with Evil Twin's parents and cousins, and
    Slept OVER~ <3 My first one ever. ><
    watched Poseidon (sucked! =P), end of Gravitation, and a little bit of Azumanga Daioh
Saturday, still at her house. Ate breakfast, delicious x3
    Didnt leave till noon or so. Went to their grandma's house (MP)
    ate dinner at Korean BBQ. <3
Sunday, tried to finish my homework. Finally done at around 1/2?

and now.. its back to school. xD;

I ought to start writing poetry and stories again. ><
No inspirations, i'm sad. =/

heh.. i feel like a complete hypocrite. Everything that i've completely advised others to do, everything that has been my morale, everything is shattered. I caused it. It was all my fault. All because i hate getting close to another person. Whether it be man or woman, i just hate getting close.

This actually happened more than a week ago. I've tried to forget it. Tried to push it aside and hopefully, wont ever refer to it again. Lock it up in a cabinet and never unlock it for the rest of my life. But since i feel like wanting someone to talk to. Carolyn is asleep or busy, so i dont wanna bother her. David is being a jerk lately. Ellen went to sleep already. And honestly, i dont even know if i can trust Livejournal. But lets just say, there aren't a lot of people out there that i can talk to. Freely and trustingly.

And honestly, i think i've been put under the "bitch list" for already rejecting him.
No matter how kind and how freely he uses profanity everyday.

Anyways, the story goes as to how stupid i am. I'm am so tempted to apologize and beg for his forgiveness. But i have my pride. Aside from that, i must've had a reason to reject him in the first place. My brain thinks: "Its not meant to be." My heart asks, "Then why am i in pain so much?" My dreams says, "Not your dreamguy, yet you dream bout him twice already. Honestly, i feel stupid already. I cant stay friends with him, knowing that he likes me, and knowing that i havent told him everything.

But I'm a coward.

I cant tell him everything. Cause its the same thing as going on the floor on both knees, begging him to come back. I cant even talk to him properly! All i can say is "hi" and walk away. I feel so ashamed for not saying anything. I'm such a coward. And a jerk.

Basically, what i wanted to say was...
He's always been on my mind. I've ignored him for dozens of unknown pathetic reasons. He thinks that it was cause i didnt have fun at Sadies, which caused this wall to form. But actually, i had a wonderful time there. It was my first dance, i enjoyed it. Learning how to dance, dancing with him, and well.. seeing people i know at the dance; i loved it! I honestly had fun. But it also frightened me at the same time. It was my first time, at a dance.. with a guy. It was just awkward, realizing it afterwards. Aside from that.. i can really say i liked him more, but it made me see a whole new side to him. That side was frightening to me. So outgoing and wild. It was scary.
Then i realized something more. and more, and soon it was even more frightening to be around him. He changed. More towards to my liking, than to who he really is. He especailly, got too close. I had to get away, i had to!
Then one day, i couldn't come over cause i was scared. The day before, he had imed me and asked if i was coming tomorrow. I had said no, my reason was cause of the heat. Which was a good reason, cause i really do dislike the heat. He had said "FU" cause i couldnt go. Later my friend told me, that it was possible that he got frustrated with my lies of not being able to come over. Some 20-30 minutes later, he had imed me after i had closed his window, saying how dense i was to not realize that he liked me. I wasnt dense. It was what kept me away.

In the end, i rejected him without giving him any reason why. Not the reason that would've concluded the conversation which would've indicated that it was all my fault.

Now, im not sure whether i regret it or im in the middle of getting over him.
It's complicated, my thoughts and actions towards him. It was must be stupid looking at this from a third person view.

I cant explain myself. however, i will admit that what i did was stupid. That i was a coward. A jerk. Someone who deserves the title, "heartbreaker." I also feel like a cold heartless bitch, cause i'm aware of what i did to him. and yet, i'm not doing anything about it.

I didnt cry over him. I couldnt. I could only stare into the space with a sad look in my eye. Although, every so often, my heart would hurt. i would get chest pains. and the feeling in my tummy wont go away.

I'm behind in my livejournal updates. ><

Let's see so far..
and all that i can remember is..

I went to Sadies.
Chinese New Years.
Peacemaker for Otaku.
Met Lucky. Even though nowadays would still cause a tear. =/

Thats all that i can remember at the moment. xD
Definitely NOT gonna go to the details. Unless i want the keyboard to short circuit. xD;

Went to Sadies with Tony. Took Pictures. Matched. Saw Jessica, Jackson, Ken, CK, Monica, Irvin, and all the other random people. xD;
I wont mention the embarrassing stuffs, so if i forget it in my memory, better than leaving it out for the public. hehe =)

Chinese New Years, as usual, sucked.

Although i didnt make it as the Secretary of Otaku, Peacemaker is still kindly appreciated. x3
I'm still an officer and i can still contribute and participate in the upcoming events and changes of Otaku. =]

Lucky.. >>;;
No comment.

anyone a philosopher? x3

Tee-hee~ <3
I feel renewed with this new background. Even though i wanted the sweets~ i dont have a paid account. XD

Progress Check~
Crappy. =____=
I'm still doing nothing. My research for Chem is all laid out, its just, i'm not doing anything to it. XDD;;
Lazy.. ~(@_@~)

For Empoword.. I'm a bit stuck on my poem. Thought of a title for another, but havent started. Gaah! ><

Distraction: I need to cut my hair. XD;
Reason: Swim
Why: NO SWIM CAAAP~ xO

I wonder if my canines can make people bleed. o___o. Its a good self-defense. x]

Uwaai~ <3
I made mocha~ <3
Mocha makes me hyper and smiley. =]

and you wonder why people hate you... o__o...

buu... My butt is getting fatter as those ticking seconds pass on by...
Downloading Anime and JDorama is taking forever.. ><

I dont wanna download Inuyasha, but my daddy wants it. =(
It's gonna take more than a week. ><
Taiyou no Uta and Ah! My Goddess and Megami-Sama wont take that long.. >>;;
Estimated.. done by Friday. Hopefully, that is. ^^;

Lets see... (~o_o)~
Definitely no more procrastinating now! *puff*
I really need to get down to business! ><

*The Empoword Poem is almost done. Just a little add-on and add-offs. XD
*START Chem Project (individual and group) + MODEL!! ><
AVID Essay.... >>; i need to call curtis and jenny for notes.. XP
History study guides... shouldnt be too hard.
Everything else is last. XD;;

Oh my.. today ought to be very busy, starting now. ><
If i dont procrastinate, i should be done by tonight, and the model and supplies can wait till tomorrow.
Then on friday, i'll go to aneki's house and work on the project.
All the while, my bittorrent shall be on~ <3
THAT should be done by friday also. Taiyou and Ah! Megami-sama.
Inuyasha.... would take a long while. ^^;

Now that i think about it, i'm actually glad i have this as my journal. If not, then i'd be wasting an awful lot of paper listing, ranting, rambling on about nothing. XDD;;

Ah yes, and also i shan't worry about the college anymore. Or well, not now anyways. XD
However, i will, shall, and ought to start studying and prepping once again for the SATs.
I should also take Chemistry and Trigonometry into prep prep as well. To be on the safe side, study uber hard and listen uber well. X]


~ Will and Determination Succeeds in its Determined Goal! (^O^)

I will make sure i pass Trigonometry and AVID (journal) with a B! And Chemistry with a C! But History, Engish, Japanese, Psych with an A! =]
I am determined to Succeed~.

*sighs* Geez. Life is hectic even for an idiot.

With age comes wisdom, deshoo? Apparently i'm still too young to gain wisdom, according to my family. >>;
I'm just a 16 year old little child, that has yet to understand the meaning of life. Or in this instance, the bigger picture of things.
But in my position, they cant see the bigger picture either. Damn perspectives.
I can understand if they want me to get into a private college and get a uber great SAT score. But in order for me to achieve something that great of an expectation, it'd be so much more better if they were to have told me beforehand or at least prepped me before junior, at least. Since they didn't.. i'm a bit pissed. Sooo much stress already. Not JUST from Junior year, but SATs, and other issues. Enough is enough.

*SIGHSSS*
I dont know. It just makes me mad to think that people dont take me seriously. Family and schoolmates. Its rather sad. =/
Then theres the late notices. The college, for example. My mom expects me to tell her ahead of time about this and that, when she tells me practically everything, late.
Then theres enough problems to worry about and things that just aren't worth giving the time to think about (but i do it anyways.. >>;)
Maybe its from the lack of sleep, or too much food has clogged my brains, and i know everyone is aware that i am stupid.
I'm not smart. Whoop-de-doo. It doesn't make a difference. We all have our moments of stupidity, and some even more. But i know i'm not smart. But i am intelligent and wise, in a sense. XD

Blab Blab Blab. I have no idea what nonsense that is sputtering out of this mouth of mine. However, what does make sense is that i just am uberly mad that i was not told about this whole private college thing ahead of time. Me original goal was to go to UCI or one of the other UCs. My older siblings chose to be smart idiots, and left me to be the stupid genius. I hate it.

I spoke rather boldly yesterday in a chat, that i wanted to be independent. I still do. But there are so many gains from being both independent and dependent. I cant think of any, but i'm sure there are some out there.

Oh right. Humans. They're all a bunch of greedy scums. Not one of us has ever done something that isnt just out of charity. What i mean is that we prefer to do something out of greed. More of greed than charity. If i'm correct, someone out there is gonna think, "omg that is not true. I'm not one of those." Count how many times you did things with a grim look on your face, or with a fake smile. It'll overrule the charitability number. XP Unless you're a perfect angel and everything you do is in the absolute correct, then... you're on your own my little prissy princess.

Note: tch. Doesnt deserve to be on my info. Let alone on my LJ.
But just cause i actually sorta like this poem, its a dedication to you, my little 'princess.'
Hopefully, when you read this, you're realize who you are and what chaos you've been creating.
Hmph.. i'm giving you too much credit. -.-'' Hopeless child.

Give me a break or a moment or two
To relate my feelings to you
I hate you and despise you, inside out

Your moves are nothing but trash
Your vocabulary is nothing but below average
Yours truly is nothing but a fake

Lend me your hand or maybe a finger or two
To show you how much I really hate you
Little Miss Perfect and Virgin Princess

Your lies are full of deceit
Your mask is jealous green and crappy brown
Yours truly knows nothing about anything

Grant me a wish or send a shooting star
Let me tell you of the stories that I hear from afar
That you are a slut, a bitch, and especially a fat pig

Your face of innocence,
Was nothing but a mask.
Your wisdom of books and nonsense,
Was to make up for your stupidity in general.
Yours truly is none other than yourself.

whoosh~!

aww.. aren't weekends fun? No limits or boundaries. No parents or chaperones. No school or classes. Its all fun and games. Party and guys. Relaxing and Carefree. Unfortunately, there is also a lot of homework and projects to finish before the weekend is over.. T_T
evil teachers, don't you think?

hehe. That was fun. X]

I ish sad my cousin doesnt want to come to the reading in December. Couldn't go to the November reading because of studying, but doesnt want to go cause from what he heard, it was "boring." Huh. It never came across my mind to think he'd be the type of person to listen to someone else, before experiencing it himself. I guess i was wrong. =P
Either way, i still love him cause he's my cousin. X3

It's soo cooold lately. ><
Even my black gorilla suit isnt keeping me warm. My body, but not my hands, ears, or toes. Its freezing. =(
Duude.. and i think the last time i ate ice cream with a metal spoon, my tongue almost got stuck to the back of the spoon when i was licking the remainder of the ice cream off... >>;;
It was a few seconds, but it made me feel like the kid in those movies who was dared to lick the pole on an ICY day. ><
Ehh.. it taught me not to eat ice cream when there is no sun. XD (cloudy days still count. X3)

oh i forgot! noo..!
What day was it when i first ate pho? ><;
Hmmmm... it was either Monday or Tuesday.. =/
i'll remember one day, i hope.. T_T
Anyways.... what i wanted to note in this journal entry was that i ate pho! (finally..) and the first time i ate it, i burnt my tongue. XDDD

Carolyn and I went to Acadec and Ms. Malonek wasnt in the room, so since we were hungry, we walked to umm.. ><
the pho restaurant thats close to Lovebirds (o___O! it was a TUESDAY! XD). I got the soup version and Carolyn got the.. non-soup one. XDD;; We got to Acadec, and Carolyn went to the office place/room while i attempted to eat Pho for the first time. Chin was sort of making fun of me, since i didnt know how to eat it. But in a way, he sort of instructed me on how to eat it also. I didnt mind the "making fun of" part. It was funny and true. =P I only dropped the beef into the hot soup, not the noodles (i didnt know what i was.. >>;;) When Carolyn came back, the noodles were cold and stuck together. XDD;; But she would do whatever she can to take out the noodles, so i can eat PHO properly. ^^;; I felt bad. i didnt know how to eat pho. XD Not to mention, she had to use our chopsticks to break them apart. ><

Oh right, i burnt my tongue when Carolyn wasnt there. I didnt know i burnt it, until Delanie was sitting next to me and i told her about it. She just laughed. ^^;;

mmm.. I'm procrastinating again.
Once again, MY LISSSTT!! >< ( i shall erase this afterwards.. just because it looks weird. XD)
Need to dos:
    - Chem Portfolio Project
    - Trig Make-ups. (Chapter Review and the other problems that i missed. Friday's homework too.)
          a. Chapter Review
          b. Friday's Homework
          c. Other problems from past homeworks that are left incomplete.
    - English Project
          a. Email our notes to Doris. (Me + Doris's.)
          b. HURRY UP AND TYPE ITTT! (my essay)
          c. Send it to Sylvia, she'll type it all up check it; i do final editing.
          d. bleh.. evil slave trade. T_T

Yup yup. Its not bad. I'm just too lazy and everything piles up. Hopefully Sylvia'll be on tomorrow night. I shall try to finish Trig tonight. Chem and English tomorrow. Shouldn't be too bad. =/

G'nights~! <3

P.S(ers) I didnt know you can add color to the text! ><
aww... i'm such a dork. =(

UWAAH~!! ><
I am soo sorrryyyy Kimm... ><
Loves you lots! Dont forget that! =P

Anyways~~!
hmm.. nothing much happened today.
Made up with Kim. Feel lots better. Sorta. T_T
I still have other things to deal with. Not to mention this whole week is full of deadlines and tests. x____X
Let's list some out and make me pity myself even more. XDDDD;;;;

Tomorrow: History Test
Wednesday: Chemistry Test
                        Empoword Reading (a little nervous)
Thursday: Psych Senior Interview DUE!
                   Math Test
Friday: Amer. Lit Project DUE!

LOL! after listing that, it doesnt seem much. But i still have TESTS throughout the week, which STILL sucks.. =(

*mushroom cloud* ITS COLLDDD~! ><
I lost my navy blue scarf last week. =(
^makes me colder^

I want more DRAMA CDS~! X3     [the more i listen to the VK Drama CD, it just makes me love Zero more. <(*o*)>]
I want.. Hikaru~ too! o(^_~)o

I wonder what i can get at the mall this friday. YAY~! I get to pick out my X-mas present. XD
I was thinking an Hikaru Plushie.. >>;;
Or i dunno. I got nothing. What IS there at the mall?
Aside from food, games, clothes, and disney? ^^;;    (i needa go out more. T_T)

MUAHAHAHAHA~!
Beware my icon~! X]
I shall use my bat on you, like i did with my rabbit, without any regrets... >=)
Just Kidding~ I'm too nice to do that... ^^;

P.S. COLD.. REALLY COLD. FREEZING COLD...
My fingers are soo cold, that if it were chopped off, i dont think i'd be able to feel it. ><

[I am bolding, so i can try to remember the key words in this entry. X3]

Yesterday
I was whining and whimpering like a poor child on the streets who cant find her mommy, cause i couldnt seem to understand her motives for doing such a thing. But then again, motives are hard to figure out unless we're being uber general. I was also crying and sniffling like a child who lost her lollipop, cause apparently, the more of my friends who ask if derek has a girlfriend, which he does... i realize that they like her, whileas i do not. So it made me feel left out, cause i want them and anyone who gets near 'em to realize it. Realize that she's a fake. Then of course, this was in the morning; the night is the best. X] or is it?

(Before being late, my mommy gave me an address to Fullerton or some F------ Blvd. Not to mention a "B" in replace of the 4 actual directions. Thank goodness for Daisy's GPS system.. sorta. We went from the west, to the east, then got uber lost. My mommy called my brother to get directions, but still got lost. We went uphill, up and up we went... till we realize we were lost, again. Called my brother, and he said that we needed to look for "HIGH COUNTRY RD." We made a U-ie, and we FINALLY made it there.)

We were late to Rebecca's after thanksgiving party and usually its just her family, aunt, and cousins. But daddy was there too, and my uncle, and my grandmother. LOL. Sorry, family names. My daddy is Josh, and his brother who is also my uncle is Justin, and their mom is my grandmother. We're not really related. X]

Anyways, let's just say i wasnt really dressed appropriately, cause i felt awkward afterwards. lol. Ate dinner. Jasmine accidentally spilled my apple cider on my dinner and on me, but in a way i sort of didnt mind. I didnt want to stay there anyways, it was awkward. Especially with my brother there. But i got to wear Jasmine's uber long shirt, it was comfy and warm.

Hmm.. what happened after?
I do believe they sang. Josh, Rebecca, and Justin. It was amusing watching them. Although i did sort of feel sorry for Justin, cause it seemed like he was singing alone. I should've went up there to sing with him, while Josh sang with Rebecca, so he wouldn't feel sad. But i didnt remember the lyrics. T_T And i prefer to sing alone.. and to myself. ^^;; My mommy and family insisted that we leave. I didnt want to, cause we came late and i wanted to stay longer. In the end, i actually did. When Josh and Justin left (did i mention they were twins? and josh's older?), someone suggested to let me stay and bake cookies. and yeah, somewhere along the way, i got to stay and bake cookies. X3

Jasmine and I, fine.. just ME, sort of burnt the first batch of cookies. Rebecca and Tak was playing chess. hehe... I made Jasmine do the second batch by herself, since she kept complaining that I made it look ugly. XDD Sorry Jasmine, but i still love you. XP I said to Rebecca when they were playing chess, lets play taboo or pictionary  when we're done.

WHEE~! TABOO!! It was fun. lol. I was a "good guesser". lol. To Rebecca and Jasmine anyways. X] Oh right, Teams were: Rebecca + Jasmine, and Tak + Me. We were soo close in catching up. It was half way. lol. it was what.. i think 25 - 50? I think. =/

Then Tak wanted to watch Click, so did Jasmine. They watched, while Rebecca and I talked. But i felt bad, cause all i did was tell her all them bad things. lol. I should've told her the better and pretty-looking things. *sighs* I didnt get enough time to tell her everything though. I didnt finish telling her everything. But i dont think she had the time to tell me the things she wanted to tell me either. =/

Left at like 1:30, Came home and didnt sleep till 2:20.

Today is all about CATCH UP on HOMEWORK day... T_T
evil evil chem poster. ><

Random Thoughts:
(dont hate me for bolding, its just from being bored. ^^;;)

1. <3 Hikaru Hitachiin from Ouran, and <3 Zero Kiryuu from Vampire Knight, MUCHO bunches! ^^
   
2. Happy that most my problems are solved
3. but but... USC. T_T
4. need to STUDY UBER HARD for Chem and Trigonometry.
5. YAY~! Downloading MANGA~! o(^-^)o
6. I want more VK... ;o;
7. I ish feel surprised, but also honored by Carolyn's thoughts.
8. Christmas~!
9. Too lazy to finish my homework. =(
10. I enjoy speaking to Carolyn, but i also enjoy complete solitude...
11. I rabu rabu my simba~!
12. I still need to deal with that cheater...
13. bored.. ;o;
14. *SIGHS* and tony..? *shifts eyes*
15. =O! I ish going to Rebeccas house tomorrow~! X]

and.. not done. XD;;

Tuesday~!
Took yearbook piccies for AcaDec. Went out to eat with.. Carolyn, Linda, Jing Na, and Fion at AppleBees. It was delicious. Went home.. waited for monica and gang to arrive and try on dresses. They arrived an hour later, with Seraph, Jessica, and Carmen. We made fun of Seraph when she was wearing the blue dress. Short in height and small boobs too. XD Jessica stayed when the rest went to make mashed potatos for some MESA thing. I fell asleep, while Jessica was well.. doing homework.. ^^;; Whenever Monica came back and fed me mashed potatoes.. I WAS YUMMIFIED by the taste. >< Soo good.
I showed Jessica my poems. Told her bout whats been going on. She liked me poems. and she sorta agreed with me, thought of her as not trustworthy. XD *happy*

Wednesday!!
YAY~! Empoword day today! X]
Met at Lovebirds. Soo expensive. ^^;; But the sandwiches are good. I just feel bad that i didnt know how to order. Turkey BREAST! not HAM! T_T
Anyways.. We passed around our stories and/or poems. Personally, I liked Lanie and Carolyn's stories. I can relate to Lanie's and Carolyn's story isnt something i read or hear often. So its PRETTY~ Onii's was nice, kanojo sounds egoistical, Andrew is just different. Walked with Carolyn to AcaDec, Tony saw us. Dropped Carolyn off at AcaDec as i walked home talking to tony.

OH OH~ YAY~!!!
I got my first.. B on a Trig TEST~! YAY~! *dances and jumps up and down~!* It was 87% too! >< SOOOO HAPPY!!! =]

Went to dinner with cousins. At umm.. "Boon Do."
First time talking to Carolyn for soo long on the phone. But fun. X]
I finally made my decision. Happy. Most of which is solved.

Thursday..
OH OH! I tried to make my grilled cheese sandwich, but i burnt it. XD
But i learned alot from it. Cause i'm not suppose to do it piece by piece (which i did), but i AM suppose to.. have it as a whole then.. ermm..  cook. XDD;;;

THANKSGIVING~! Cousins came over. They brought over.. Apple Cider and Pheonix Desserts.
Food are..
Chicken (Turkey died.. somehow. o__O.), Ham + Pineapple, Carrot Cake (my sister made it), Baked Potato + Yam, Noodles, Fried Rice, and thats all i can remember. XD
Talked to Carolyn.

One more thing..
GOOD LUCK CAROLYN~! (on your interview! ><)

whoa.. learned something new. XD
I was orginially using plain text mode, but now i ish using rich text mode. X]
I get to use BOLD! or Italics~ or BIG, little words. YAY~!! Soo happy. I learned something new~!

<3 Mori. But  <3 Hikaru more~! o(^_~)o

I feel like i'm going crazy. As if im the only one to realize this. Carolyn realizes this too, but i dont speak to her often. So i dont know what to say. The only two people who believes that i am sane, is Carolyn and Ichise sensei. And because they are the only two, whenever i try to calm down by telling a few people about this, i'd have to repeat over and over everything. And because they are the only two, i dont see them very often. I see Ichise sensei during 5th, and every so often after school. I see Carolyn sometimes after 4th, during acadec, empoword, and otaku. But i can only talk to Ichise sensei privately after school. Carolyn, the same, i suppose.

Omg.. i think im going insane. If nobody sees it, how can i take it? Jessica's first impression, is that she is not to be trusted. but but.. its not enough to keep my feet on earth. There are soo many negatives in the world, that its pulling my feet down to earth, and maybe further. Monica.. on the other hand, has known her since 7th grade. Friends protect friends right? If i had known earlier, or realized it sooner, i wouldn't have complained to her about her friend. I just plain feel bad for tony. I think he might think that i'm hiding something from him. ><

I feel soo dead inside. Every single second spent here, my heart hardens and thickens its barriers to each and every incoming buddies. However, i am also gullible to the point of letting them in and trashing the place. I am soo stupid. If i hadn't done something like that, i wouldnt be hurt the way i am now.

I know i said i felt better when i was with Carolyn at AppleBees. But i was, cause it was a place far from here. But now that im back, im ready to shed tears and let my heart fall into pieces.

I just dont know what to do. Im repeating myself always. But i really dont know what to do! Shes like a fly on the wall thats watching my every move, and every time i sit down and not care about her, she bugs me again. This whole problem is a mess. I dont know how to get out. Everywhere i turn, its a whole new world. Full of everything that i dislike.

I'm not sure whether i should put a smile on, laugh it off, or just solemnly stare into the wall...
I dont know which would make me feel better.
I'm complaining an awful lot about her. I'm sure annoying, but i just cant seem to find a way to resolve it. I cant think - no, WONT - think about suicidal as a solution. Its tempting, but i'll just rely on Carolyn and sensei to support me when my legs are weak and my strength is just going down the drains.

Since no one else reads this, but me and my computer, any solutions?
hah.. maybe i am insane, i'm talking to myself and to an inanimate object...

Because of her.. i cant think, study, concentrate.
Because of her.. I can easily consume a lot of choco and ice cream in one day
Because of her.. i can become someone i'm not and go crazily insane
Because of her.. Im no longer who i am.
I've lost all sense of reality. All sense of touch, feeling, and emotions. Is anything real anymore? Or is it all superficial, like her?

i haate this soo much. I dont know what to say or do. What to watch out for and when to go head-on. She is such a frustrating problem to deal with. I can only talk to Carolyn and Ichise sensei about this. Anyone else, it'll be hard. Cause either they dont realize it or they realized it already and its gotten to the point of not caring anymore.

She is a waste of "cuteness". She is a waste of breath air when talking to. She is everything and anything BUT cute, sweet, and angelic. Try demonic, evil, and manipulative.

*sighs* I dont know what to do. Maybe i should listen to carolyn and ditch my buddies then, so i wouldnt have to deal with her. Cause if they cant see through her, then i dont know what to do. I dont want to leave... But then again, i cant just sit there mindlessly and let her manipulate each and one of us with her "angelic face".

She is the reason i cannot smile.
Cannot laugh, cannot speak.
She cuts me tirelessly to the point of no recognition.
My blood runs through the streets unnoticed.
She walks on by, licking my blood off her fingers.
She carelessly drops the knife
and smirks at the sight of my remains.
A wonderful sight, it is.
A wonderful and perfect achievement, it has been.
My face has been slashed
and made into a jack-o-lantern.
My body has been.. ripped inside out and tormented with hate.
and yet, she is still my friend...

I should've went with my intuition. I asked and he doesnt know. He doesnt realize it. I guess my next move, is to.. totally leave them behind. It is no longer within my powers to convince them, until i go away and let them realize it on their own. =(

I hope they realize it soon. I hope EVERYONE realizes it soon. This may sound cheesy, but i dont think i can handle it anymore. My heart seems to.. be at its breaking point and tears would overflow almost suddenly, after everything. I dont want this to happen. I dont want to lose my friends.. ><

I am slowly slipping into the depths of despair.
A smile on my face, is just as superficial as our relationship.

Sunday.
lol. it was hilarious.
In the morning, my sister and i were told to go to Lucky to buy some canned corn. We went. While my sister was walking fast to find the corn, i walked behind her, just catching up. She stopped midway and turned around, i was behind by alot so i walked faster... and my right cheekbone (at the moment, BRUISED) hit her left side of the forehead. >< We both saw a white flash. I was laughing sooo hard, i think my sister was trying soo hard just to hold back the tears.

Went Christmas SHOPPING~! I usually dont like shopping, but unless i am able to get stuffers for people, without getting any complaints (spending lots of money, i mean), then its allll good for moi. XD I still need to shop for guys and teachers.

Today!!!
It was soo fun today. Even if i got mad that my friends ditched me, yet again. But on the other hand, i also didnt know they were at the library, when i was waiting for em at the bottom of the stairs. =/ My fault.

I dunno. Whenever i think about it, i just burst into tears. Which i am assuming the reason is cause i cant seem to find any solution to this neverending problem. ><
But it was fun. Carolyn felt the same way. So i dont feel alone anymore. I at least, feel comforted that someone realizes it and is also on my side. Makes me happy. It was also fun just to talk to Carolyn, Ichise sensei and Delanie. It totally made my day.

I wanna do that again. Pure all-girl talk. <(~o~)>

TOMORROW~!
1) Going out to eat lunch with Carolyn, and everyone else (whoever that may be. XD;;)
2) Monica and Carmen are coming over to try out dresses for winterball. X]

YAY~!
Lanie befriended me~! o(^-^)o

Important Notes: [MUST ACHIEVE! DONT LET THEM DOWN! ><]
-USC!(SATs! GPA! Well rounded-ness! XD)
-P. Empoword...? (N.Yr.)

I forgot..
I LOVE HIKARU HITACHIIN~! *O*
Always and Forever~! O(^_~)o

booo~!
I did sooo bad during the scrimmage. I had fun, but i did bad. =(
I... woke up at 6:30, got ready, breakfast, make lunch... off to school!
EVERYONE was there already.. ><
I went with cici and jessica and into kuma-kun's car. X]
His dad was like.. whooaa. an adult version of kuma-kun. XDD
anyways.. yeah. went to duarte high. nicee school. XD
took the tests. Whatta bore.
Called Rebecca W. during lunch, went to the hilly area behind duarte. Went up and down, up and down. SOOO fun! X)
Finished taking the tests. Failed everyone of em. The only i did good was... Literature and Art(400 ish T_T) Everything else was 200. >< aiyaaahh~!!!!
I needa studdyyy!! <(;o;)>

LOL! I press enter after every sentence. ^^;;

umm.. when we waited at the gym for the super quiz oral thingie, i needed to go to the bathroom. I went up the stairs, with the half step with stephanie. But when i came back, i forgot that was there and almost tripped. XDDD
I laughed my butt off. Went crazy laughing. Stephanie too. XDD;;;
oh oh! then there was... when i got out of the car, out of kuma-kun's SUV that is.. i missed the step thingie, and once again almost tripped. XDD;;
aww mann.. >< I ought to watch my step more often. Then going crazy and wild and not watch where im going. =/

anyways~
After all that, i went to sports cafe. Ate 2 bowls of wonton, and drank 2 cups of lemonade. Refreshing and Satisfying. It was wonderful.


OOOOHH~~!
the things we talked about during the convo with rebecca. X]
mostly bout the guy i like, Sir Morick, and Hikaru Hitachiin.
well lets see... I believe i said, i wish i could've talked to him, rather then with rebecca. XD She laughed.
i dont know... whenever i talk about those three, i just end up with a humongous smile on my face. Its just a sweet thought to think of. But it totally messed me up during the tests. XD;;

hmm...
soo.. overall-ish.. scrimmage was fun with friends, but sucked in the testings. It was fun tripping, even if i could've sprained my ankle, which could've healed instantly also. But it was funny. XD Then there was the phone call, omg.. it was sooo fun. Big smile~! o(^-^)o

yesterday.
WHEE~! I had soo much fun talking to ichise sensei about everything. it was most memorable. although, i may say that, i wont remember it anyways. I saw tony and rebecca when i left. Rebecca went one way and tony the other, i went back to school. XD

today.
humm.. i felt happier and realized an awful lot of things yesterday, that made me feel great. But i felt bad cause i called tony an "aitsu" ^^;;;
ummm.. but i sorta felt an also lot of stress on my shoulders. A big pain. A big research PAPER for history due wednesday. Evil teach. I am forced to go to the scrimmage. Even though i know i'm going to do terrible tomorrow. But i want to at least ATTEMPT to study and read over some of the packets. WHICH.. i have... about an hour and a half before.. i should sleep. You know, get ready for the big day. XDD;;;
I dunno whatta wear! ><
Oops.. i forgot. I'm not done fabric painting my tshirt. >< I needa find another way to ermm.. yeah. XD;;

anyways. scrimmage tomorrow (Importante). Reseach paper for history due wednesday. Test tuesday. Psychology senior interview due two weeks from now.

uwaaahh~~!! ><
Not to mention the Poetry/Fiction Reading on the 29th. I'm not ready. I love people reading my poetry.. but but.. well... i'm not ready.. ^^;;
No new poems. Can't think of anything. Too many things on my mind. If i do write any, it'll be jumbled up feelings into one big ball of mess. ><
*sighs* i dunno what to do. =(
I can't write about love, hate, nor.. about one particular person. The more i try, the more my head hurts.
ehh.. i'll think of something.. hopefully by.. next week. =/

~Nobody reads this~ XP